paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
