Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
