Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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