I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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