I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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