"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
