So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
