perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
