Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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