I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
