They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
