I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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