So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
soo... how was my night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
