its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
