he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and she was petting her beer can
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
