you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
