I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
