1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
