i think i have two assholes
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
