her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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