We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
