i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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