THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
