Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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