remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
