I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
