I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i now understand why vodka
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
