so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
