Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
