The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
