you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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