Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
