Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
