you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
