peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
