Four minutes until I can fart!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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