OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
