8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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