Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
