So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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