i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
