i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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