I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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