someone threw a dead crab at me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize