drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
