Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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