I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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