Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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