I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
