i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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