I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
