So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
