I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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