i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
