I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you had me at cake vodka
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
