I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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