my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
