also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
