come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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