As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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