Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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