Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
