it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
