you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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