Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
