I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
