Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
