Can i not drive my cunt home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
