we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
