Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
