took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
