rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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