Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
